A Regatta Rhyme

This has been sent to us by John Eade. We are not so-sure we admire the sentiments expressed but we do have to admit we think it does have some merit. John runs an invaluable website for those of you interested in the Thames http://thames.me.uk

A REGATTA RHYME, from Punch, 1890s, anon, [ but made to sound like Ashby-Sterry ]

On board the “Athena”, . Henley Regatta –

I like, it is true, in a basswood canoe
To lounge, with a weed incandescent;
To paddle about, there is not a doubt
I find it uncommonly pleasant!
I love the fresh air, the lunch here and there,
To see pretty toilettes and faces;
But one thing I hate – allow me to state –
The fuss they make over the Races!
I DON’T CARE A RAP FOR THE RACES!-
MID ALL THE REGATTA EMBRACES –
I’M THAT SORT OF CHAP, I DON’T CARE A RAP,
A RAP OR A SNAP FOR THE RACES!
 
I don’t care you know, a bit how they row,
Nor mind about smartness of feather;
If steering is bad, I’m not at all sad,
Nor care if they swing altogether!
Oh why do they shout and make such a rout,
When one boat another one chases?
‘Tis really too hot to bawl, is it not?
Or bore oneself over the races!
I DON’T CARE A RAP FOR THE RACES!-
MID ALL THE REGATTA EMBRACES –
I’M THAT SORT OF CHAP, I DON’T CARE A RAP,
A RAP OR A SNAP FOR THE RACES!
 
Then the umpire’s boat a nuisance we vote,
It interrupts calm contemplation;
Its discordant tone, and horrid steam moan,
Is death to serene meditation!
The roar of the crowd should not be allowed;
The gun with its fierce fulmination,
Abolish it, pray – ‘tis fatal, they say,
To pleasant and quiet flirtation.
I DON’T CARE A RAP FOR THE RACES!-
MID ALL THE REGATTA EMBRACES –
I’M THAT SORT OF CHAP, I DON’T CARE A RAP,
A RAP OR A SNAP FOR THE RACES!
 
If athletes must pant – I don’t say they shan’t –
But give them some decent employment;
And let it be clear, they don’t interfere
With other folks quiet enjoyment!
When luncheon your o’er, ‘tis really a bore –
And I think it a very hard case is –
To have to look up, from Pâté or cup,
And gaze on those tiresome Races!
I DON’T CARE A RAP FOR THE RACES!-
MID ALL THE REGATTA EMBRACES –
I’M THAT SORT OF CHAP, I DON’T CARE A RAP,
A RAP OR A SNAP FOR THE RACES!

(Is there anybody out there with a basswood canoe? Ed)